Family Spotlight: Chavela y her grandchildren

Broken families are such a common occurrence here in Baoba. They’re common in all parts of the country, but even more so in Baoba because it is a coastal town. When Dominicans think of the United States or of Puerto Rico, they think of a better life for them and their families. Therefore many people leave in yola (illegal boat crammed full of Dominicans) to get to the US and send money back to their families here in Baoba.

One of those people is Fabiana, the mother of three of the kids in my youth group: Meri (19 years old, went with me to the Escojo Regional Conference in Jarabacoa last May), Yan Carlos (17 years old, has a crush on my sister Jordan) and Yoansi (16 years old, troublemaker). Meri is finishing high school in a special program that puts her junior and senior year together. Yan Carlos is a sophomore and I can tell he is just itching to leave school and start working. And Yoansi is in 7th grade…imagine 16 years old and in seventh grade! He has a lot of problems with school and with bad behavior and I think it’s due to his mom leaving when he was 11. He was the youngest when she left so he’s had to deal with basically growing up without a mom. Fabiana lives and works in New York City, and has been there for the past 5 years old.

It’s very hard to find work here in Baoba, and Fabiana left because she thought she could better provide for her family if she was getting paid in dollars. When I look at Yoansi’s problems with school, I often wonder if it’s worth it. Which is better- to have your kids grow up with parental love, support and discipline or send money to them?? It’s such a hard choice, and it’s a choice that almost all of the families here have to make. They almost always choose the money.

The three kids live with their grandmother (and my domino partner) Chavela. And I actually live in Fabiana’s house (if she ever gets caught and sent back here by US immigration). Let’s all hope she doesn’t get sent back here until after next November because otherwise I will be needing a new place to stay.

Piolin, the kids’ father, lives here in the Dominican Republic, in Puerto Plata. But as Yan Carlos explained to me, he is their father and not their dad. He helped to conceive the kids, but after that he has not done anything to support them. Fabiana sends them about $50 each month (sometimes less, depending on how her tips working in a bar are that month) and all of that money goes to Chavela to pay for the food. If the kids want anything special- shoes, clothes, school supplies – they call their mom and hope she sends them more money or they hit up their aunts or uncles for spare cash.

There have been a couple of times where they have been unable to go with me on a trip because they can’t afford the 50 pesos (about $1.50). I have offered to pay for them to go, but their pride and stubbornness refuses to let them accept the money. (It’s actually very ironic here that the people to whom I want to give money never accept it, and the people to whom I refuse to give money never stop asking.) I do however constantly send over whatever platanos or bananas grow in my front yard. Technically, as the renter, the plants and trees are mine. But I don’t eat that much, so I feel better sending food their way.

Another reason why Fabiana left was because she was dating a yola-captain. I’m not sure if she was dating him because he could give her a free ride (passage on a yola is usually extremely expensive) or if he gave her a free ride because she was dating him, but either way, they started dating and then left for a better life in the US. After about two months in New York, she broke up with him. And here’s the shocker…he sent an assassin to kill her! She found out about the plan, paid off the assassin when he came asking “where is Fabiana,” and everything turned out alright, but geeez what drama!